It’s natural for us to have moments of struggle with positive thoughts and keeping calm when we reflect on wrongs done to us, and I’m no different. Whether we choose to dwell there, mentally, is what either guides us back to emotional balance or sends us drifting off course, giving even more power to our adversaries. Obsessing about the harm we’ve experienced puts us under the control of those responsible for the hurt. Even if we may not have yet reached the point to love our enemies in the true sense of what love means, it’s worth it to discipline ourselves to, at least, neutralize ill feelings. Otherwise, we inadvertently contribute to the same hateful climate that allowed us to be damaged in the first place.

The sense of privilege, entitlement and intolerance among those in power nurtures hatred of those in less powerful positions. Which of these two groups is left to recognize the need for change? In a strange way it’s actually the socially and financially powerful who are often most powerless to see the flaws in their behavior, almost like children. Sadly, the worst perpetrators of aggression in a climate of hate cannot (or refuse to) see their flaws on their own.  When arrogance and a sense of entitlement go unchecked for too long it can leave a person delusional, causing them to take on the victim persona. But the last thing we can allow is for those that are truly suffering – potential survivors – of hate to add their numbers to those who oppress. We can’t get tempted to become like the ones who seem to “have it easy” because they’ve become intolerant and self-serving. Imagine yourself stepping out of the boundaries of what you know to be right and wrong; now you have no covering or protection and you’re operating from an unfamiliar code. Don’t forget that sharks are good swimmers for a reason: They already know the waters you’re testing.

When we consider that “haters” thrive more from hating others than from their own success it hardly even seems worth it to imitate their ways. A person who resents someone else for doing well is a person not focused enough on his or her own goals. So, when it appears that people who’ve stood in your way have “won,” don’t let it discourage you. You’ll see that your larger journey never depended on them, once you’ve risen to the challenge – whether it was standing up to wrongdoing, setting aside your pride to create a more positive outcome, or maybe just standing by someone else in a difficult situation. Your task is to maintain a certain energy level toward finishing the assignment, no matter the result. Nevertheless, you can’t help yourself or anyone else by going into any situation completely blind. I couldn’t have truly followed my own advice in pointing out the following unless I chose not to own an engineering firm, but there are indicators that will help you avoid finding yourself in hostile territory:

• Lack of diversity, whether in gender, race, age or other orientation – in professional environments, on college campuses, even in neighborhoods, where there’s a lack of diversity, hatred can fester due to an accompanying lack of variety in ideas and experience. I knowingly followed my passion into a field dominated by men because I had no choice if I wanted to pursue my dream, but it’s often a sign of intolerance, ignorance or insecurity when communities of any kind have a homogenous appearance. Lack of diversity can hinder knowledge even within the same cultures. Remember a TV show called “Good Times?” If you didn’t grow up around black people in the 1970s, or have much exposure to them, this show might have given you the impression that all black people, however decent and well-meaning, lived in the ghetto and struggled to feed their families. It wasn’t until the next decade of television that “The Cosby Show” portrayed doctor and lawyer parents of a household that represented a whole different experience in black life.
• Rigid structures – while schools, businesses, and communities all operate on systems of rules and laws, circles that leave no room for discussion of new ideas or honest discussion flag themselves as intolerant; their goal is often to preserve the interests of a few rather than accommodating many.
• People who are mean-spirited or patronizing – sometimes we need look no farther than the obvious signs.

What does concern me, even for those who know the signs of intolerant people and organizations resistant to change, is that intolerance itself sometimes seems to be rewarded and encouraged. Lack of remedy leads to lack of change. When people aren’t disciplined and made to suffer consequences for the wrong they have perpetrated, they will tend to revert back to their old ways, and it doesn’t take long. There must be accountability at the highest levels of our government, among leaders in the community, and in those playing other key roles to ensure the right things are done toward even those who are at the least visible levels. Love and fairness help balance the climate against hatred.

SURVIVAL STEPS TO MOVE FORWARD:

• Search for the meaning behind your losses. The battle might be more important than the win.
• Practice codes that reflect your knowledge of right and wrong; don’t imitate anyone who travels a negatively different path than yours.
• Don’t walk through life blindly. Recognize signs that you might be entering enemy territory.